Dealing with the Unknown

Facing the unknown can be a very uncomfortable feeling. Anxiety, fear, doubt and even despair may accompany the questions in our hearts. However, that is not always the case. I know a lot of people who don’t like surprises, but many who do. So what is the difference between the unknown and a surprise? Mostly time and our expectation. As a child I was filled with anticipation before Christmas and birthdays because although I may not know exactly what, experience had taught me that I could expect good things then. Sadly some children learn to dread such events because experience has taught them that a parent will be drunk/grumpy/violent, or absent.
In the unknown lurk all the possibilities of our imagination. For many the imaginings are dreadful and terrible. Sadly, the things we imagine often become self-fulfilling prophecies. As Job said “What I always feared has happened to me. What I dreaded has come true.”
Some see the unknown full of hope and optimism. Their expectation is that good things are just out of sight.
Most of us have experienced a mixture of good and bad surprises, but for some reason some of us expect surprises to be good things and others see all the pitfalls that go with not being prepared. I am the “surprise me” kind, my husband is the “tell me what to expect”  kind. I think that’s why I am less phased by the unknown. I generally imagine that it will all work out for the best. One of my favourite movie lines is: “It’ll be all right in the end and if it’s not all right, it’s not the end yet.” from “The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel”. I have one relative who lives by the opposite premise, that any good things are entirely temporary aberrations that will soon be swallowed by misfortunes. I suppose we are both right in a way. Life is full of pleasant and unpleasant experiences, following one another by turns. Where we differ is the focus we have. This is a matter of choice and practice.  As Viktor Frankl so eloquently put it: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” and “Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” Even though our choices may be somewhat automatic, we can change our patterns by learning to think differently and respond differently.
I firmly believe that both I and my relative have options whatever life throws at us. This is one of the things I attempt to portray in my characters. I also believe that with practice, my husband will start to like surprises, and maybe one day I’ll see the benefits of being prepared (or not...after all it is a choice!).